Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
