Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
