I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
