Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
