Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
