At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
