im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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