Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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