party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
