oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
