i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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