my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
