Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
