I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
