at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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