your parents love me but you hate me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
