Joe is yelling at the trees again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
