What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's great music for shaving your balls
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
