So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
