Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
