i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
