I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
