I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
