Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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