this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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