somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
