Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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