it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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