yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
