Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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