Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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