i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
