i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
