Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
