I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
