we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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