Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
