I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
