How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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