Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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