She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
