Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
