Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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