Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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