this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
