Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
