so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
