How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
