I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
