I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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