Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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